Jesus is Coming; Look Busy. Hawaiians Put the Porn Away as ICBM is Inbound

January 18, 2018

Last Saturday, Hawaii was awakened to the threat of an incoming ICBM. Thinking that they where about to be fucked by the North Koreans (because c'mon, who else would it be?), Hawaiians took their collective hands out of their pants and frantically tried to clear their browsing history. During the false missile attack on Hawaii, traffic to Pornhub from the state went completely soft — but quickly stiffened again after the false alarm was sounded, according to the porn website Pornhub.

 

Pornhub examined the traffic on its site from the time the first alert was issued, at 8:07 a.m. on Saturday, and found that in the nearly twenty minutes following the alert, traffic fell a massive 77% from its normal level, reaching its lowest point just fifteen minutes after the alert. Yet after the alert, at 8:45 a.m. that the first text had been a false alarm, things changed quickly; traffic boomed nearly 50% higher then normal levels, with the peak cumming at 9:01 a.m.

 

It looks like after all that build up, and with no fire and death raining from the sky, Hawaiians needed to get their rocks off. Something has to satisfy that suspense. What a better way to shake off mass panic and the stress of impending destruction by tugging yourself off? There may have been no nukes on Saturday, but it’s good to know the Earth shattered in other ways.

 

The Daily Mail article on this is just fantastic. What’s not discussed is how many people where so totally apathetic or unaware of the impending doom and decided to go out a legend; like this dude from the Pompeii disaster, when a volcano destroyed an entire ancient city. 

 

 

 

In a society that is ever consumed by sex in advertising and expressed more openly then ever; it’s nearly heartwarming to see most people could pry themselves away from their porn and filth on the internet and would try to preserve their lives. While measuring the response of a society based on how much porn is being consumed may leave a serious analysis wanting; it’s revealing about where priorities lie when impending doom is inbound- even if it wasn’t real in the end. Which is a wonderful thing

Share on Facebook
Share on Twitter
Please reload

Featured Posts

Matt Boncek: The Philly Area Band Photographer

October 28, 2019

1/10
Please reload

Recent Posts
Please reload

Archive
Please reload

  • White Facebook Icon
  • White Instagram Icon